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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26281105">How Not to Cheat on your Wife</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stipulativeTzigane/pseuds/stipulativeTzigane'>stipulativeTzigane</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon gore, Catholic Character, Catholicism, Crisis of Faith, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masterbation, No beta we we die like men, Orgy, Public Nudity, Questioning, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Smut, Tags May Change, The D Club, Threesome - F/M/M, Unrequited Crush, Wet Dream, caught you yearning bro, charleston chews, sex pit, spoilers episode 3, tags will change</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:40:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,605</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26281105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stipulativeTzigane/pseuds/stipulativeTzigane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Darryl's recount of the events in the forgotten realms. revealing his struggle to understand his feelings about Henry Oak.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carol Wilson/Darryl Wilson, Henry Oak/Darryl Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Day 1: Wonderwall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Canon dialog was taken from project DADGUT: https://docs.google.com/document/d/13QZS3ovRVrWhAC6csCOBIUjB9qkmNZU54GzF7jh3MeY/edit?usp=drivesdk</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a stressful day. Grant was missing. They'd killed a man with his van. He and the three other dads he carpooled with were now standing in the doorway of a man who had just killed his son. As if to make it more surreal, Glenn started playing Wonderwall on his guitar. Darryl wondered for the tenth time if this was all some sort of odd dream.<br/> <br/>"Look man, we're a bunch of traveling emissaries from the land of—" Glenn's mellow voice sent red flags waving in his head. His mouth moved before he had time to consider the conveniences.<br/> <br/>"What are you doing!? We were about to say we're a war party!" And suddenly, there's a firm hand on his wrist, pulling him to the side and soft lips on his own.<br/> <br/>It took him a second to release he was being kissed. The feeling of stubble against his cheeks and the deep smell of wood and soil were too distracting. Something moved deep in his chest, a fluttering of emotion he hadn't felt in years. Wonderwall is still playing, someone is singing the lyrics badly, and then the kiss ended.<br/> <br/>Deep green eyes look back at him through square glasses. In an endless moment, Darryl watches as the pupils expand.<br/> <br/>"It was hot though right? "Ron's voice snapped Henry's eyes away from Darryl.<br/> <br/>Lance was talking again, but it was hard to focus on anything but what just happened between Henry and him. He hadn't kissed like that in years. Of course, he hadn't kissed anyone but his wife Carol in years. He had only kissed one other person ( and kissing Carol's sister, Stacy, was only for a middle school play). Maybe the fluttering in his chest was just something that happened with new people. Maybe 20 years of being with someone made kisses more mundane, more comfortable. That had to be it! The cozy kisses he shared with his wife were just a product of how close they were. A testament to the years they'd worked in tandem. With that figured out, he worked on focusing on the conversation in front of him. Finding Grant was his number one priority. Everything else was nonsense.<br/> <br/>"Just give it a shot, man!" Glenn passed the Nokia phone to The Lance.<br/> <br/>"How do I... What is this?"<br/> <br/>"So this is like, you're a snake, and you gotta use these little buttons here and ya gotta eat these fruits." Darryl wasn't sure if they should part with the Nokia so quickly.<br/> <br/>"In the land that we come from this is the game of kings. Only the wisest and most cunning of people are successful playing— you know, I don't even think you're smart enough to play Snake." Henry's voice wavered in the attempt to lie.<br/> <br/>"So this is a baby game, for babies, is that what—?" Darryl's knee-jerk reaction was to stand up for Henry. Something in the back of his head told him: Backing up lies was the job of a partner, and he was not Henry's partner.<br/> <br/>"You know, Snake does suck. It's not a good game at all." Henry turned to look at him, hurt welling in his emerald eyes. Darryl felt an ache of self-loathing. He pushed that down too.<br/> <br/>Darryl felt Glenn's curious eyes look between Henry and him.<br/> <br/>"Ron, you got any help here?"<br/> <br/>"Snakes are natural predators. We had to put down our purebred Dachshund because he got bit by a snake. This is a game replicating that exact same experience… uh, it will make you so strong and powerful, it'll make me cry… about my Dachshund. His name was Dotty, the Dachshund." The story helped pull Darryl out of his thoughts.<br/> <br/>"A Dachshund, what manner of beast is that?"<br/> <br/>The Lance's hard demeanor softened.<br/> <br/>"It sure ain't a snake, partner." Ron seemed on the brink of tears.<br/> <br/>"It's a dog." Glenn clarified<br/> <br/>"It's a family member."<br/> <br/>Everyone followed The Lance's gaze, turning to the painting the buy to door featuring a large fluffy mutt.<br/> <br/>"What's the pup's name there, pal?" Darryl didn't want this moment of humanity to pass; a man who missed a dog could certainly understand missing a son.<br/> <br/>"His name? His name was One." Darryl's faith in his negotiation was a bit shaken, but he still pulled out his wallet showing off the photo of Grant and him with their puppy Lincoln.<br/> <br/>"This little buddy's Lincoln. That guy next to him, my son, his name's Grant."<br/> <br/>"I've met him." Darry felt like something was going good for the first time today.<br/> <br/>"Want to tell where he is, by any chance?"<br/> <br/>"Where's Lincoln?" it felt too risky to lie at this point.<br/> <br/>"Grant lost him."<br/> <br/>"Your son lost Lincoln? Your son sounds like an irresponsible sack of shit. To take such a creature of love and dignity, and then lose it as one would a bauble?" this wasn't right. Darryl felt rage come to a boil in the pit of his stomach.<br/> <br/>"I… I…" Henry's voice behind him didn't do much to calm him.<br/> <br/>"That's why we're looking for him! To punish him!" it was too much. This was all too much. And the fucking disrespect of calling Grant a piece of shit to his face was the last straw. He moved his hand to his hatchet.<br/> <br/>Before Darryl could hurt the Lance, Henry was on him again. The kiss was deeper this time, Darryl's mouth had been open, and Henry gently pushed his tongue against Darryl's. The anger melted away, and he found himself automatically kissing back. When Henry pulled away, Darryl found his head clear. They had to start committing to some of this bullshit they'd been throwing out there. Starting with why they kept kissing.<br/> <br/>"Thank you, my Number One." he used the momentum to address The Lance. "You're right. Grant is a piece of shit, and that's why I need him back, so I can punish him correctly for losing Lincoln."<br/> <br/>"Fair. Fair. I will tell you where Grant is. Only Grant though. So you may punish him." Darryl looked back at Henry.<br/> <br/>"Well, that's fine with me; is that fine with you, Number One?<br/> <br/>"You know what would really punish Grant? Would be if we killed all of Grant's friends in front of him." Henry's idea was phenomenal, but his lying still needed work.<br/> <br/>"I know he doesn't seem very persuasive—" he slapped Henry's ass. He tried to ignore the way a blush spread over the other man's face. "But seriously, in the same way, we murdered your two children and drank their blood, we will murder Grant's friends in front of him before we eat his skin". Darryl was all in for these lies now, not going back. As far as he was concerned, he was in a loving relationship with Henry, and they were going to kill his son.<br/> <br/>"Just so you know they weren't my birth children, that's why I'm not that upset."<br/> <br/>"Oh I know, I wish they were though, the blood would've been extra tasty.-". Henry grabbed his hand, and the same nervous joy bubbled through Darryl's chest.<br/> <br/>"Okay, okay, Number One." The feeling doubled at the vague idea of being Henry's. He tried to push that down too.<br/> <br/>"This one, Jesus. Alright, alright. In exchange for a Nokia phone—" The Lance began.<br/> <br/>"So you did like Snake, it's pretty fun right?"<br/> <br/>"I mean, it looks kinda neat, yeah. In exchange for the Nokia phone and a promise that you will kill Grant upon finding him." Darryl nodded, all the emotions tangling in his stomach.<br/> <br/>"Well, his friends." Glenn began.<br/> <br/>"No, just him. I didn't believe that you actually wanted to kill his friends. I will tell you where Grant is." it was better than nothing but the way Henry squeezed his hand amplified the fear growing in his chest. Ron spoke up first.<br/> <br/>"I'm in. I mean, if you guys are." Darryl crossed the fingers in Henry's hand and put out his hand to shake.<br/> <br/>"Darryl Wilson always keeps his word." the hand was grabbed awkwardly; there was a sharp prick on his middle finger, paper pressed to his hand. Darryl watched in horror as his blood sank into the yellowed page producing a replica of Grant. His face a mask of anguish.<br/> <br/>"The pact is made. Your son will die when you meet him." Darryl was frozen in an agonizing second, watching his son's face writhe in pain. He was speechless, terror running cold in his veins.<br/> <br/>"Good, that's what we wanted." Henry's voice was a godsend. He squeezed the warm hand still interlocked with him. Horror trembling through him. He found himself praying. Praying thanks for Henry, Guidance for this situation, Forgiveness for all this lying.<br/> <br/>"Should you fail to do so—"<br/> <br/>"Definitely won't." Darryl could barely talk. But finding his son at all required him to follow through.<br/> <br/>"-all of your lives, because I have treated you as a group. You seem to speak for them as the alpha."<br/> <br/>"Absolutely." Darryl felt so far from being in control here.<br/> <br/>"All of your lives will be forfeit, will end, irreversibly." That felt that was a bit like overkill.<br/> <br/>"We know what that means."<br/> <br/>"Okay, just making sure."<br/> <br/>"Aw shit, dog." Glenn's whispered somewhere behind him.<br/> <br/>"You may keep this receipt of the pact that we have made."<br/> <br/>The Lance handed him the paper. Darryl dropped Henry's hand and filed the receipt in his wallet under B for blood pact.<br/> <br/>"I have a question! If we meet Grant, like the rest of us-" Henry's voice solicited a whole slew of emotions in Darryl, but fear was currently winning.<br/> <br/>"Don't ask him now." Maybe if they didn't bring it up, they could find a loophole. Henry did not listen to his warning.<br/> <br/>"-Does that still mean that Grant dies? Who does the spell apply to, if any of us meet Grant?"<br/> <br/>"The spell applies to you as a group, you have all entered into a group contract." Bile rose in Darryl's throat.<br/> <br/>"Oh, okay."<br/> <br/>"If anyone of you should meet Grant, and not kill him within 24 hours of confirming that it is Grant-"<br/> <br/>"Just to clarify, 'cause we're definitely gonna do it, is it the way I said? Which was… pretty violent." Darryl was sure there was absolutely no chance he would be able to eat Grant's skin. "Like, is this like Horse, you've played the game Horse, is this just like shooting it from the spot where the other person did, or spin around a corkscrew sorta shot, you gotta do the same thing." He was rambling, now trying to vent his terror through nervous chatter.<br/> <br/>"I have played many games on horses."<br/> <br/>"Okay." Maybe there was some leeway here.<br/> <br/>"None of them involve corkscrews. I will say that because you said specifically that that is what you would do, that is what you have to do." There was a moment where all four of the dads contemplated their fate. Darryl wanted Henry to hold his hand again; he wanted to bury his head in Carol's neck and cry. He wanted to wake up from this nightmare and have Grant close. Instead, all he got was a Yikes from Ron.<br/> <br/>"So what again did you say you would do?"<br/> <br/>"I think it was something about slowly letting him live a natural life over the course of another 60, 70, 80 years." Darry looked across to the taller man. He wondered if Henry would hold him if he cried. The Lance broke him from his focus on Henry.<br/> <br/>"I have forgotten what I said, but it doesn't matter because the contract remembers." that thought hung in the air around them.<br/> <br/>"It involved skin… and eating." he couldn't say it outright; even that was activating his gag reflex.<br/> <br/>"Yes! You were going to eat his skin, oh delightful. Yeah, so that's perfect." Glenn was the first one to recover from nausea.<br/> <br/>"Can we have a look at that ledger?"<br/> <br/>"I did say I would show you the ledger, I did verbally say that I would show you the ledger."<br/> <br/>"You did."<br/> <br/>The Lance opened the large book sitting on the table by the door, covering half the page with his hand. In a heart-stuttering moment, Darryl leaned forward and pushed the obscuring hand away. Four sets of eyes scanned the yellowed page. The Lance slammed the book shut. All Darryl caught was "Grant - Meddowshade. Then the names Rockport and Watershed.<br/> <br/>"Woah, sorry, I slipped there. Been drinking a little bit-" the Lance didn't seem convinced but didn't say more. "-anyways, sorry about that hand slip there."<br/> <br/>"What'd you see there, Glenn?" he whispered to the dark-haired man. He looked guilty.<br/> <br/>"I think I kinda fucked up 'cause I saw that Glenn was in Meadowshade, and I thought that maybe that was my kid, you know, I gotta admit: a little blurry, in terms of the vision, 'cause I've been downing so many brewskis on the way in. So I can reconfirm that Grant is also in Meadow Shade."<br/> <br/>"I saw a town named Rockport." Darryl was unsure about the Watershed now.<br/> <br/>"Rockport?" Henry's questioning tone sucked the last of his confidence.<br/> <br/>"Rockport. And I think I saw a— but now I'm wondering if I just saw Meadowshade because I thought I saw Watershed, but that might've just been me." Darryl admitted.<br/> <br/>"Rockport…" Darryl wished Henry would stop questioning it.<br/> <br/>"Sorry boys, I did my best, but we got one more. We got Rockport for sure." Darryl decided it was better than nothing.<br/> <br/>"Did you guys see anything?" Glenn looked around for any more clues.<br/> <br/>"Ron, did you see anything?" it was Henry who asked.<br/> <br/>"I was looking the other way." the tree dads stared at him in disbelief. "Not on purpose. Just thinking about your missing child made me think about my missing step-child. I wistfully turned away." With that settled, Darryl turned back to The Lance.<br/> <br/>"Thank you so much there, Lance, that's quite fair. I'm really excited to eat my child's skin, I hope you enjoy that game of Snake."<br/> <br/>"Oh, I will."<br/> <br/>"Yeah." out of the corner of his eye, Darryl saw Henry move towards the book. With the last thought of saving Grant, Darryl kissed the Lance.<br/> <br/>It wasn't the same as kissing Henry. Worry tightened in his chest as he realized that this kiss was just as uneventful as the one he gave his wife this morning. As a last-ditch effort, he deepened it. He could hear paper ripping behind him and then Glenn's voice.<br/> <br/>"Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing?<br/> <br/>"This is how we do greetings in Westrock!" Henry responded. Darryl wanted to thank him.<br/> <br/>Glen tried to explain kissing was a greeting on earth. And then they were headed back to the van. Darryl felt like he had to say something about the whole conversation.<br/> <br/>"Everybody, real quick right before we get to the van," he felt more comfortable in the role of coach for the team. it gave a distance he needed after that whole interaction. "I just wanna say that was a team effort out there, and Henry, I want to give you the Most Improved award. You did a really great job and if it wasn't for him we wouldn't know where our kids are, so let's give Henry a little round of applause." Darryl gave a couple of claps before he realized no one else was joining in.<br/> <br/>"Oh, thanks everybody, sorry I introduced the kissing thing as something we might have to maintain now as part of our cover." Henry glanced over to him, and Darry could feel his cheeks flush red at the kissing Henry again.<br/> <br/>"It's okay, I think as long as we don't meet The Lance again…" wanting to kiss Henry was wrong. He would work hard to curb that desire.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Day 1.5: Wet Dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darryl woke up; he was home; he was floating on his king-sized nectar mattress. Enveloped in the thick down comforter and his favorite flannel sheets. The morning sun streamed through the curtains.<br/> <br/>Relife rolled through his chest. He stretched, working the kinks out of his shoulders.<br/> <br/>"Good morning Number One." A familiar voice sounded to his left. A warm arm wrapped around his chest. Carol shifted until she was above him, brilliant blue eyes sparkling with mischief.<br/> <br/>"Good morning." He tried to push the dream down. But the thoughts of being stuck in Fanruin, of losing Grant, of the blood pact. Still haunted him, and Carole, as always, was too smart for him.<br/> <br/>"What's wrong?" Her arms were now wrapped around his waist, her hips pressed against his thigh.<br/> <br/>"Everythings fine, it was just a dream." There was sympathy there in her face. She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. The soft brush of her lips was offset by her stubble.<br/> <br/>"Well, I bet I can get you to think about something else." Her hand was playing with the elastic of his pajama bottoms.<br/> <br/>"Oh, is someone ready to balance her checkbook?" She smiled, blonde hair falling around her head like a halo. He reached up and kissed her. She smelled like wood and rich soil. Darryl pushed into the kiss. Rolling them over, so he was on top.<br/> <br/>"Oh gosh, Darryl you're excited." Thin arms wrapped entirely around his waist, then down to cup his ass. Darryl continued kissing, moving to where their jaw met the throat. He sucked his way gently downward, only allowing himself to leave marks where clothes would be sure to cover. "Darryl!" Their voice broke with the shock of him moving over their body. Darryl looked up to meet, a breathtaking pair of green eyes hazed over with lust.<br/> <br/>Darrel was fully hard now. Grinding against their thigh as he moved down to the chest. He latched onto the left nipple, thumb rolling past the other, working both into a stiff peak. They arched underneath him, a moan rumbling through their thin, toned body.<br/> <br/>"Ah, ah Dar! please." The voice was husky with lust. Rounded fingernails ran light scratch marks down his back. "Please, please!"<br/> <br/>"What do you want?" Darryl almost growled it, looking up through his eyelashes at Henry Oak.<br/> <br/>"What do you want Darryl?"<br/> <br/>***<br/> <br/>Darryl woke up. His back complaining about the straw-stuffed mattress. He was still hard, his dick strained painfully against the fly of his cargo shorts. He hadn't woken up this hard since his twenties.<br/> <br/>He tried to shift into a more comfortable position but found that half of him was tangled up in Henry's gangly limbs. Guilt ran ice through his stomach as his mind played back the events of his dream. He pushed off Henry's arm and fell out of bed with the need to be away from the other man.<br/> <br/>"Darryl?" Henry's half-asleep voice was too similar to his dream; it made Darryl nauseous. Deep green eyes seemed almost to glow in the moonlight as the taller man locked on to Darryl. On the floor wrapped in the sheets.<br/> <br/>"Everythings fine, it was just a dream." He felt wretched as his mouth formed the words he had said to his wife.<br/> <br/>"Do you want to talk about it?"<br/> <br/>"No! No. I'm fine" Henry sat up, his blond hair forming a halo around his head.<br/> <br/>"How about a hug?"<br/> <br/>"Really Henry I'm fine." Darryl moved to stand, keeping the sheet as a robe to hide the raging boner he couldn't seem to get rid of. "I just need some air."<br/> <br/>"Do you want me to come-"<br/> <br/>"No, I'm good." He walked to the door and then, in an attempt to not be rude. "Thanks though."<br/> <br/>"Okay..."<br/> <br/>Darryl was still hard when he got into the van. Sat in the back seat, he tried to focus on anything but his throbbing cock. He tried listing football players, and when that was too easy, he tried soccer players. Out of desperation, he went through his understanding of primer. Even that didn't work. Once, he had excused himself by trying to get the problem away. He unzipped and slid off the shorts altogether. Taking a deep breath, he cleared his head of anything but his wife before taking his dick in his hands.<br/> <br/>He quickly fell into a familiar fantasy. Carol above him, hair around her face, mouth open in a cry of ecstasy. Her breasts were bouncing in his front. He could almost feel her waist under his hands. She ground down on him, and he guided her hips, slamming up into her warmth. He pumped his cock, trying to build towards his release.<br/> <br/>He had to stop himself. His dick was a bit numb from his furious jerking. After a moment, he tried again.<br/> <br/>Okay, Carole. Bouncing titties. Moaning his name. She's clearly enjoying herself cumming around him, and... and hickys run down her neck, marking her as his. And then she leans down. And she presses her lips to his and. Now he's remembering how it was to kiss Henry: the urgent way Henry had pulled Darryl in. How the stubble brushed against his lips. How without thinking, they were sharing the same breath. And the feeling deep in his chest, a stirring he didn't realize he had been missing until he felt it again.<br/> <br/>Darryl came. Hips thrusting, a surprised moan ripped through him. He was left in the back of his car. cum cooling on his hand, and gilt burning in his chest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>After that Darryl goes back to sleep and joins the first dream with the Purple Robes.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Day 2 Chew on That</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darryl had started the day off okay. He was getting the hang of this whole Fanruin thing. During breakfast, he had decided that this was all some sort of "What Would You Do" to test his moral standing. Maybe it was a dream or some kind of Living Purgatory, but all of this was just the Holy Trinity running him through his paces.<br/>
 <br/>
So they hadn't accidentally killed a dragon's child slave; that was some sort of metaphor for staying committed to his Family. Grant wasn't really missing. Darryl was just worried about the growing disconnected, as his son was becoming his own man. And Henry Oak wasn't purposefully sitting in the front seat, so his role in Darryl's sexy dream last night was almost impossible to forget. This was just his subconscious bubbling up some of the fears he had about his marriage. As long as Darryl stayed on the straight and narrow, things would be fine, and John Quiñones (Or Jesus?) would pop out to praise him for leading such a good Christian life.<br/>
 <br/>
He tried all day to be good: looking away as Henry switched into one of the extra Doodler's jerseys. Not reading into the playful comment about how the jersey couldn't be that bad when he saw how Darryl's fit.<br/>
 <br/>
Things started to slip when he tried to grab the Charleston Chews. he had been very hard, and he had been really trying, and because of that, he deserved a reward. If Henry knew how much he was working to have the holiest of thoughts, he would have agreed. But instead of getting a reward, Henry had caught him. Not only did he take them back, but once they made it into the city gates of Neverwinter, Henry gave one away to some random elf.<br/>
 <br/>
Darryl felt like he should have been pissed at Henry for that, but he wasn't. He was ashamed. He almost always felt shame when he snuck a Chew. But this was somehow different. He hadn't promised Henry he wouldn't eat the candy anymore as he had with Carol. Darryl had only asked to have Henry decide when he deserved one. The stern look he got from Henry made him want to change. It made him eager to be good for Henry. And that thought wriggled its way into his gut and sat there like Eden's snake.<br/>
 <br/>
Then they were at the pit. Darryl considered himself a strong-willed man. But even the most pious nuns would have been affected by the sight of dozens of bodies indulging in the most sinful of desires. alot of it was too much for Darryl to follow. He only really knew four different positions for sex, and the pit seemed to hold an infinite number. The van rolled to a stop less than 10 yards from the edge of it.<br/>
 <br/>
"H-h-hey, Henry. Make sure you set the parking brake. We don't want to roll into any of these pits" Glenn's voice drew Darryl's thoughts away from a half-orc bent over by a woman while he made out with an elf.<br/>
 <br/>
"Into either of these pits." Darryl's mouth went dry at the waiver in Henry's voice. What in the pit was affecting henry? He glanced towards the taller man and accidentally caught Glenn's eyes from the center seats. Darryl opened his mouth to cover the awkward moment.<br/>
 <br/>
"Whoo, hey, huh. Glenn, this is—you're probably used to this stuff, huh? Whoo! All right." he felt his face flush bright red.<br/>
 <br/>
"This looks like a pretty good Sunday afternoon." Sunday afternoon is when Carol and he did their 'finances' (what they called sexytime). Darryl swallowed down the guilt of only now remembering his wife.<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay. So it appears there's a lot of weird stuff going on, gentlemen." Henry said.<br/>
 <br/>
"Nothing weird about sex." he wasn't sure why he wanted to seem cool about this. But in hindsight, the nervous comment of fainted sex-positivity clearly wasn't the way to go.<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay!" Darryl's mind drifted back to the pit. The orc was now blowing the elf. His dark hair becoming a handle for the thinner man.<br/>
 <br/>
"What kind of dog is that?"<br/>
 <br/>
"What are you talking about there, Ron? What dog?" Darryl's eyes scanned the pit. If there was a dog, Darryl would be forced to go in and save it. It would just be immoral not to.<br/>
 <br/>
"The—the puppy." there was a moment of silence while everyone took in the scene in front of them.<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay. So, apparently—". Henry still seemed uncomfortable. "you know I'd have to say, if I—if someone was telling me that a guy called The Lord of Chaos was throwing a party, this is kind of what I pictured it would look like, so I think we're in the right place. I would say, for the most part, try to keep your hands to yourselves, guys. And, you know, don't let anything get into your mouth or sort of like body area. If anyone—". So apparently, the plan was to just waltz into the pit in hopes the lord of chaos was there. Daryl's hands were sweating at the thought of actually going down there.<br/>
 <br/>
"Too bad you uh, too bad you got rid of those condoms, am I right?" Glenn's comment reminded Darryl that Henry had brought condoms. Who brings condoms to their kid's soccer practice?<br/>
 <br/>
"I was about to say, I have a second pack of condoms if anyone would like to put them on their hands so you don't touch anything gross."<br/>
 <br/>
"Hands. Right." Glenn's voice had malicious intent behind it. Glenn was a rockstar. He probably had been in orgys before. Darryl was almost sure he was the dad with the least experience with swinging.<br/>
 <br/>
"I think there's gonna be a lot of fluids down there. Before we go in, though, I want to establish one rule. Anytime I'm on a field trip to a new place with my beautiful boys, we do a buddy system."<br/>
 <br/>
"Oh my god." The woman was still behind the half-orc, just railing him. The sturdy body was being used at both ends.<br/>
 <br/>
"Mmhmm." Darryl tried to contribute to the conversation, but he was too busy wondering what it would be like in the mid-and then refused to follow through with the thought.<br/>
 <br/>
"So everyone in the van pick a buddy to keep your eye on during the next little part of our escapade here. Glenn, I'm going to say you're my buddy for today—". Henry's decision to be Glen's buddy was reasonable and did not invoke a tiny spark of jealousy in Darryl's gut.<br/>
 <br/>
"Alright, I dig it." it wasn't like Glenn was a literal rockstar with tons of experience in swinging.<br/>
 <br/>
"—So we've got to watch out for each other. Now, Darryl, Ron, can you guys be good buddies to each other and look out for each other?" Darryl didn't respond. Even though he was sure that partnering with Ron was completely okay. and didn't feel at all like pairing up the two ugly ones, so the other two men wouldn't be held back.<br/>
 <br/>
"I was thinking about taking the dog as a buddy." Darryl went back to scanning the pit for a dog.<br/>
 <br/>
"Ron, where's—where in this orgy is there a dog?"<br/>
 <br/>
"Just keep looking." Darryl was looking, and even though he kept drifting back to the Three people near the center.<br/>
 <br/>
"Is there really a dog in this orgy?"<br/>
 <br/>
"Just, uh. Just trust me. Just trust me, keep looking."<br/>
 <br/>
"Where's this dog?" the elf came. And immediately pulled the Ork up into a deep kiss, the cum in the Taller one's moth shared between the two of them. Darryl looked away. His face felt burning red.<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay, Glenn, I think you should be Darryl's buddy and I'll be Ron's buddy."<br/>
 <br/>
"Yeahhh." there was now a hand on Darryl's shoulder. "Hey, Darryl, man." He turned to Glenn in the center row of the van.<br/>
 <br/>
"What's up, Glenn?"<br/>
 <br/>
"It doesn't really change the longer you stare at it. Let's get our head in the game, to use a sports analogy, huh?" Darryl nodded; right, they were here for a reason. There was no time to just sit around and watch these vile acts. They had kids to save and wives to get back to.<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay. Buddies together, united forever, let's go." and with that, henry left.<br/>
 <br/>
It wasn't any easier to focus on why they were here outside of the pit. Where the noises were louder, and the hole was more accessible. But they were here to get back their kids, and Darryl would comb through ten orgys to find his son if that was necessary. Glenn and the rest of the dads were heading towards an ogre, so Darryl followed. <br/>
 <br/>
"Oh, that's—that's awful confusing."<br/>
 <br/>
"Tell me about it." Darryl felt himself saying as his eyes wandered back to the pit. The angle they were at now obscured the threeway.<br/>
 <br/>
"Are you other emissaries?" Darryl wondered vaguely how the ogre could have a cockney accent if they weren't on earth.<br/>
 <br/>
"We sure are, friend, and we're here to see the Lord of Chaos." Henry sounded so confident as if this was a regular request.<br/>
 <br/>
"Ohhh, the Lord of Chao— I should probably go get the sheriff. Umm, head on down to the ring without all da lovemaking in it and I'll send a sheriff to come get ye." Darryl swallowed, so they were really just walking into the pit.<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay. Can I ask you a question?" Henry's voice washed relife through Darryl. Finally, someone else to ask one of the thousands of questions about the pit.<br/>
 <br/>
"Go—go right ahead, yeah."<br/>
 <br/>
"What's going on here?" Henry's first question was a little vague for Darryl's liking, but a further explanation would require Darryl actually admitting he didn't know a much as he wanted.<br/>
 <br/>
"Uh, we're here—we're talking." the ogre said.<br/>
 <br/>
"Well, I. But what manner of entertainment is this? We're from out-of-town and then the sauciest things get where we're from is a little sport known as professional wrestling, which does not have quite as much erotic or violent—" that was an understatement. Becky Lynch would never!<br/>
 <br/>
"We've got professionals here in both, in both rings." Darryl didn't hear the rest as he noticed several people wearing black and white tunics for the first time. Dotted around the pit. Some had water and towels. Some were active participants. And one was posted at the bottom of the stairs, with a 'check-in here' sign.<br/>
 <br/>
Ron's voice faded to the background as Darryl came to the realization. This wasn't a professionals only environment, like Crossfit, where everyone just expected you to already be an expert. This was more like square dancing. Just people having a good time, with friendly instructors willing to help you where you needed it. His mouth moved without his permission.<br/>
 <br/>
"Can anybody just go in that pit? Like, if we wanted to go in that pit?"<br/>
 <br/>
"Which one? In the fighting one, absolutely." Darryl decided he didn't like this obtuse ogre.<br/>
 <br/>
"The—the pit." Darryl looked back at the ogre and noticed for the first time that there was a second pit behind the ogre.<br/>
 <br/>
"Oh my—what. No. nevermind. Just wondering if—uhh, what were we doing?" His face flushed for what felt like the five thousandth time.<br/>
 <br/>
"We're here to see the Lord of Chaos to get our sons back." right. Here to save our sons, and then go home to our wives.<br/>
 <br/>
"You said 'the Sheriff'. We're finding a sheriff." as Ron spoke up about some sidequest. A man who could only be The Sheriff appeared. He was tall and cut, like a model from the firefighter calendar Carol had bought last summer. His dark hair was short and provided a balanced opposite of his stubble peppered jawline. He was in a navy polo with a shield on the lapel. He was frustratingly handsome and familiar.<br/>
 <br/>
"Hi, I'm Sheriff Boreanaz." he gave a small smile, with half of his mouth. This was proof that this was some sort of trick of his subconscious because there was no way he was meeting the real and actual David Boreanaz. Darryl opened his mouth in an attempt to speak.<br/>
 <br/>
"Oh, hi, I'm. Huh. I'm Will's Willy. I'm Darryl Will. I'm Darryl. Darryl. Hi. Nice to meet you." he put out his hand and shut his mouth in a desperate attempt to find some sort of normalcy in this situation.<br/>
 <br/>
Boreanaz's hand is solid and warm. His grip radiated strength. Thoughts of what he has seen in the pit, combined with the realization he was so close to a handsome man, it became difficult for Darryl to breathe normally.<br/>
 <br/>
"Oh. You got quite a grip there, buddy. Um, I'm—I'm Wilson, Darryl, and these are my friends, Henry and—" Darryl was relieved when Ron interrupted him.<br/>
 <br/>
"Hi, I'm Beth. I mean," Ron coughed, and his voice shifted back to its normal tenor. "Ron. I know somebody who would like you, though; her name's Beth." the sheriff's eyes looked over the group of them, and Darryl felt a shiver run through his body. A well-manicured finger ran across the sandpaper angles of his Jaw, and he said.<br/>
 <br/>
"At the count of three, all of you are going to tell me what your purpose here is." henry's voice sounded to Darryl's right.<br/>
 <br/>
"Sorry, I have a question." Boreanaz did not respond.<br/>
 <br/>
"One."<br/>
 <br/>
"do we all go at once?"<br/>
 <br/>
"Yes, all of you."<br/>
 <br/>
"Three beat, or like on the word, or on three?" this time, it was Glenn.<br/>
 <br/>
"Three two one go, you're all going to tell me why you're here. Three two one go." in the rush of answering on time, Darryl's mouth move without his consent again.<br/>
 <br/>
"you're beautiful" shame boiled in his stomach, but he was pretty sure the other three dad's answers drowned his out.<br/>
 <br/>
"-another town." henry's excuse seemed to be the loudest and the one that made the most sense.<br/>
 <br/>
"Sorry, we're—yeah, we're emissaries. We're looking—the Lord of Chaos, that's what we're here for."<br/>
 <br/>
"Can we call a dad huddle finally?" Henry didn't wait for a response. Instead, his hand was pulling Darryl's arm to close the circle of fathers. "Excuse us for one moment, sir." Darryl didn't want to be rude, but the idea of calling David Boreanaz 'Sir' stirred something wicked in his gut.<br/>
"Mr. Boreanaz, we're gonna—we'll be right back. "is what he settled on. Henry's Dark green eyes darted conspiratorially between the other Fathers.<br/>
 <br/>
"Guys, that guy's really handsome, right?" Darryl wasn't sure what kind of mental math his subconscious did to decide that a lie here was the best answer.<br/>
 <br/>
"What? I didn't notice." it was utterly unbelievable, and when Henry's eyes landed on his. They looked just a bit hurt.<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay, well, I just wanted to clear the air on that before we—"<br/>
 <br/>
"Wait, is this a real dad huddle?" Henry had only just grabbed Glen and Darryl into the huddle, and Ron was still standing tall, looking directly at The Sheriff<br/>
 <br/>
"Yeah, this is real dad huddle," Darryl said, slightly confused.<br/>
 <br/>
"Real dad huddle, real dad huddle." Agreed Henry<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay. Because I could— I could stay with— with— I could stay out of the huddle. Stay with— with Borea—" the misunderstanding dawned on Darryl.<br/>
 <br/>
"Ron." Glenn grabbed Ron down into the huddle as Darryl spoke.<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay. I'm in." Ron agreed. Henry tried to talk, but Darryl decided now was the time to address this. he didn't want to clarify every time they tried to conspire.<br/>
 <br/>
"Ron. You're a real dad." genuine surprise popped across the smaller man's face.<br/>
 <br/>
"You're a real dad, Ron." Henry seconded the notion. Glenn only offered a Sure, but the sentiment was there. Darryl put an arm on Ron's shoulder.<br/>
 <br/>
"You're a real dad." Ron's eyes were round with tears. "Alright, let's do this. Dad huddle!" Henry took back control of the conversation<br/>
 <br/>
"Okay. Um, I actually think despite the fact that I blurted out the em—that we're emissaries 'cause I'm scared, I think we need to just tell the truth. I think that's the simplest thing. Sounds like this guy's a stickler for bullshit. Let's just give it to 'em straight between the eyes and just be straight shooters with him. Okay? Does that sound like a plan?"<br/>
 <br/>
"Yeah." there wasn't really much to disagree about.<br/>
 </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Day 2.5 It's the Pits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"We are from another world. We tumbled through a portal into your world, along with our sons, who are missing." Fresh disbelief washed over Darryl as he heard Henry lay out their situation for the first time. "And uh, this—this doodle that you see? This is, in our world, what's known as a "soccer jersey" and a "mascot." Do you—you guys have sports here? Like is—is there—is there like a—for the people who do the fucking, are they like—do they have, like, a guy that they wear? Like, that they sell toys of?" </p><p>"Oh, like a sponsor?"</p><p>"Yeah, like a sponsor!" Henry's face was washed with relief as he found common ground.</p><p>"Yes, there are many fuck sponsors." Mr. Boreanaz said nonchalantly. </p><p> "So, the Doodler is the fuck sponsor." Henry was having more trouble finding the words. "The doodle, the Doodler is a sigil for the fuck sponsor of our children's soccer team."</p><p>"Your world sounds very debased and debauch—" Boreanaz began.</p><p>"It is." Darryl wonders for a moment how Henry could say that after what they had seen in this make-believe world.</p><p>"Well that—that can't possibly be true, because—cards on the table—the children who came in, I'm assuming they were yours?"</p><p>"His."</p><p>"Yes, mine. Yes."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah that guy's over there." </p><p>"My two beautiful boys, Lark and Sparrow." Henry glanced between the Three other dads, betrayal just lingering on his handsome features. Boreanaz continued without comment.</p><p>"Has anyone—they disappeared. That is—that is known to you?"</p><p>"We've—we've been informed. We're hoping to—to rectify that situation. Vis-à-vis finding them."</p><p>"Right. Right. I cannot specifically help you in that regard; I know not where they are. The Lord of Chaos may. But when they showed up, it was of great concern and interest to me, because the—this Doo—this Doodler?"</p><p>"Yes." Henry Prompted.</p><p>"Does resemble greatly a—an eldritch god that some of us among the, uh, aristocracy—" Darryl could not wait for David Boreanaz to finish.</p><p>"That thing?? Looks like a god??" anger was rising in his chest.</p><p>"Yes it is—it is an ignoble and yet beautiful. It is many shapes and yet it is one. It is the perfection incarnate." </p><p>"Sure." was all he could manage. This was the last fucking straw. There was no way this wasn't some sort of twisted wet-dream-night- terror thing. </p><p>"I'm so proud of those boys. I just gotta say it again. But that's so strange, 'cause in our world it was just a fancy piece of—" </p><p>"Piece of shit." Darryl finished. If nothing mattered in this world, he didn't have to put up with niceties about that shitty art anymore. But the Glare Henry gave him felt real. Darryl stepped away from the group. And looked back at the orgy pit. He scanned for any sign of the Elf from earlier. the other men kept talking</p><p>It was the change of volume that caught Darryl's attention again. Boreanaz was whispering.</p><p>"Wait, can you say that again a little— What did you say?</p><p>"The Secret Cult of the Doodler; don't tell anybody—" the Handsome man still whispered.</p><p>"He said it was the Secret Cult of the Doodler." Ron did not whisper, so Darryl felt no need.</p><p>"Cult of the Doodler." he just wanted clarification; it was possibly the dumbest thing to have a cult about. If you were damning through the worship of false idols, you could at least be a more idol-y idol. </p><p>"The Secret Cult of the Doodler?" Henry finally answered before being hushed by the Sheriff.</p><p>"Stop saying it so loudly!"</p><p>"So you call it the Doodler too?" there was one of those holes in the dream that let it start to unravel. Maybe if he picked at this enough, he could wake up at home. </p><p>"I mean, we thought it was easiest after your children decided-it never had a name. We just refer to it as the Eldritch One, and then your kids came in, and we're like 'It's called the Doodler.' So we get, we now know its true name."</p><p>"Did you guys have like a renaming meeting or something like—" Darryl wondered what side of his consciousness Glenn was playing for. It was one thing for Darryl to argue with his dream's logic, another for dream characters to take his side. </p><p>"No, it happened pretty immediately. We all kinda, like, looked at each other like, 'Oh the Doodler; that's a good name'."</p><p>"I'm impressed that you were able to take it up so perfectly like so—you know—so soon." Darryl decided Ron definitely had to be subconscious. There was no way Ron could be something he was actually helping render.</p><p>"Yeah we have a— we're very— we're all sort of united in a purpose— Fuck off! What are you guys talking about!" the Sheriff took a breath. "Here's what I propose. I still cannot be certain, 100 percent certain that you are not charlatans. You don't seem to have an air of magic about you that these two children did."</p><p>"They had magic about them?" Darryl's chest didn't get tight at the worry in Henry's voice.</p><p>"Oh certainly."</p><p>"Henry you did spray poison out of your fingertips." he had meant it as a comfort, but the look Henry gave him looked racked with panic.</p><p>"Oh yeah. Oh. Fair enough."</p><p>"Let me just say this in our world they're called 'gifted'." Glenn snickers just on the edge of audibility.</p><p>"Okay. Sure. Yep. You certainly seem to be lacking in these gifts of which you speak. </p><p>"Thank God." </p><p>"So I can give you an audience with the Lord of Chaos." all four dads nodded at the first piece of decent news today. "But!" Why was there always a but? "I cannot be certain that you doing so would not set certain events into motion that would prevent the rising of the Doodler which is my priority. Obviously."</p><p>"The Secret Cult of the Doodler." Henry prompted again.  </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"That's what you're part of—" </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"And you're gonna arrange for us to meet the Lord of Chaos? Is that what's right?"</p><p>"I could, I could arrange for you to meet the Lord of Chaos, but it is entirely possible that you fit into a different part of the prophecy than the emissaries did. The emissaries' job within the prophecy-" Darryl wonders if his subconscious made the Sheriff so handsome, to trick him into listening to all this lore nonsense. It wasn't really working anymore. Darryl glanced back to the pit. As Boreanaz talked about the end of this world. His eyes found the Elf in the orgy pit. And Darryl started walking to the stairs. </p><p>Voices got louder, but Darryl decided if he can't escape this dream, he was at least going to have fun.</p><p>"Darryl, Darryl!" Henry called his name, getting steadily closer. "Darryl." Darryl turned briefly.</p><p>"I just—" he started.</p><p>"Do you want a Charleston Chew today or not?" Henry held out a thin candy bar.</p><p>"I just wanna take a quick look." Darryl isn't sure what he wanted to do once he was in the pit, but he knew he wanted to at least get down there.</p><p>"No, Darryl, Darryl!" Darryl felt a horrible tightness across his torso as Henry grabbed the back of his shirt.</p><p>"Rock on, man." Glenn's voice sounded from behind him. a breeze rolled across his newly naked skin. He looked down at his now uncovered chest flab and then to Henry and pushed him.</p><p>Henry falls, yelping something on the way down. The noise drew more of the pit's attention than Darryl was comfortable with. Including the Elf, who looked at him with almost disgust. Darryl was all too aware of the eyes on him and suddenly more flaccid than he's ever been. He scrambled to cover himself and retreat up the stairs.</p><p>"Henry! I just wanted to take a look! Ugh!!" after about a minute, a shaken Henry walked up the stairs. "Sorry about that Henry." Glare Darryl received hurts. Henry digs deep into his pocket, grabbing out a Charleston Chew, and throws it into the pit. Darryl wants to see where it landed but is too embarrassed that the Elf might see him again. </p><p>"You're down dos today, buddy!" Henry gets closer than what Darryl would call necessary, to say that.</p><p>"Oooh delights of many varieties today!" someone yells from the pit as Henry walks past him. Darryl jogs back to the Minivan to recover and find his original shirt. Glenn was talking when Darryl returned to the conversation.</p><p>"You could've just asked, man."</p><p>"A little drop guys, like—" Ron added.</p><p>"Kind of jacked up that you want us to fight." </p><p>"Here's a question:I took 4 damage when I fell into the pit."</p><p>"Yes. So we know that you're clearly not an unsung hero.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"And also we don't really know how much blood it is. And also I'm thinking you four—How do you feel vis-à-vis the end of the world and the creation of a new one?"</p><p>"i don't really care about this world." Darryl said</p><p>"If it gets me home, you guys do you, I guess." Henry's confidence wavered. "Well, no, I don't know. I don't think I'm okay with that."</p><p>"Listen, listen, marriages end, and new ones begin." Ron spoke up again, confusing almost everyone.</p><p>"But he's talking about like a whole world blowing up, not—"</p><p>"Yeah. Marriage is the world. To me." the was a dark moment on Ron's face, "Not to my father." and then as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone. "Yeah no I'm good with the—whatever happens, happens. End of the world? Yup yup yup yup yup. Apocalypse."</p><p>"I think it's gonna be fine, man, like you know. Sometimes this stuff happens you've got some cool songs out of it. You rock and roll into the apocalypse and that's pretty rad—" Glenn's moral quandaries were the least puzzling. Henry took a breath before speaking again.</p><p>"I'm going to cut to the chase. What's the quickest way for me to see my sons?"</p><p>"Your sons I don't know. The Lord of Chaos—my thought is that I would throw you into the fighting arena and then we would sort of see how you did, and depending on whether or not the Lord of Chaos thinks that you're worthy, maybe he might consider you the unsung heroes and then want to meet with you."</p><p>"I see, so he's pretty hard to see." this was starting to feel contradictory again, Darryl spoke up.</p><p>"Oh so he doesn't want to meet with us right now?" </p><p>"No no no."</p><p>"Ohhh." Maybe Darryl should have listened closer earlier.</p><p>"I don't bother the Lord of Chaos with anything that is not of the utmost importance." </p><p>"So you're like the man that decides whether or not we meet the big man?"</p><p>"Yeah, I'm the man behind the man."</p><p>"Oh. Okay."</p><p>"So guys, I think we should do some fighting here. I think we should get into this ring and maybe see if we can attract the attention of the Lord of Chaos." Henry glanced nervously at the group.</p><p>"It has to be that pit though?"</p><p>"Yes, it is the fighting pit, not the sex pit." relief flooded over Darryl.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"If you wish to go use the sex pit afterward, you're more than welcome to, presuming that the people there find you—" the idea of people there finding him anything set his stomach to summersaults. </p><p>"No, we shouldn't." they really should focus on the task at hand, getting their kids. and going home to their wives. With a sinking feeling, Darryl remembered his wife, for the first time in way too long. he pulled out his phone and texted Carol<br/>[hey, you know, still trying to find the kids; having a fun time with the boys; not doing anything too crazy. Love you. Hope you're not doing anything I wouldn't do or almost—anyway. I love you, Carol.] he got a response almost immediately</p><p>[Just focus on the kids. I don't care if you're having fun with your friends. Our kids are gone.] that was fair. He put his phone back into its holster.</p><p>"Alright, I mean, I'm in. I feel like I'm starting to get a handle on whatever weird mystical powers are coursing through my body, so—" Henry looked around at the four Dads.</p><p>"And we have to fight like hand to hand combat? Is that kind of the deal?" Glenn asked.</p><p>"You can fight whenever you want. It's just the Lord of Chaos only seems to respect combat. The Lord of Chaos doesn't even like to look at the other pit, but the Lord of Chaos has a lot of interest in what happens in this combat pit, so it feels like if you can go in and do something impressive, maybe the Lord of Chaos will deign to meet with you."</p><p>"Yeah! We've just gotta show the Lord of Chaos that we're big men!" Darryl went back to the Honda and grabbed his driver. "Yeah! Like, let's see Darnell do this, huh!" he felt solid and competent. He noticed Henry's eyes following him. "You ready for this, Henry?"</p><p>"I'm ready, 'cause I really want to see my sons, and I'll kick anyone's ass that I need to to get to them, you know, which is slightly more aggro than I normally go but, what the hey." That was good enough for Darryl.</p><p>"Fuck yeah!" after a thought, he pulled off his shirt and walked into the pit. </p><p>"Well I guess if we're gonna throw down—I guess my buddy wants to throw down, and then according to the buddy system—" Glenn said from behind him.</p><p>"Buddy system, Glenn." Henry's voice was on the stairs now, but Darryl was down in the pit. It felt like a proper arena, like 300 all stonework walls and sand on the ground to absorb the blood. </p><p>"I gotta go help my buddy out.I guess we're fighting."</p><p>"Well, nothing makes me angrier than a middle man gatekeeping a career path." Ron said before following. Darryl looked up into the crowd around the edge of the pit. His eyes landing on a box filled with the tallest robed figure he'd ever seen. Blocking the view of the Sex pit with its hand.</p><p>"Interesting."</p><p>"If you don't impress the Lord of Chaos, clearly you weren't the chosen ones; you have nothing to do with this prophecy. I will escort you on your way. Maybe if you're nice, I won't have you killed for knowing about the cult. You're only going to get one chance to impress the Lord of Chaos." Boreanaz said from the stairs. Henry spoke up again.<br/> <br/>"Here's a question: Why is the Lord of Chaos so intent on not looking at the sex pit? That's what I want to know. That's very interesting to me, because that to me, gentlemen, seems like a weakness to be exploited." there was an electric silence between the four of them as they waited for Henry to explain away the innuendo. "If things go south in this arena, here's what I'm thinking. If we can't handle the monsters, what is going to impress the Lord of Chaos more than getting a little crazy ourselves? I just—Hail Mary throws I think we all got to get naked." Darryl was staring at the rose tint rising to the taller man's face.</p><p>"Yeah. I mean, if we can't go out fighting, we should go out fucking." Ron just said that, like it was something you could just say.</p><p>"Because then like, what—what is he looking away for? Cause then he'll be looking—" Henry continued.</p><p>"True; that's a good point." Glenn now was agreeing. </p><p>"—we show him what he doesn't want to look at, and maybe he'll respect that." Darryl closed his eyes. This was fine. </p><p>"Yeah, we wanna go out swinging one way or the other. Wink wink wink wink wink." Darryl's brain grasped onto a memory and pulled it into the front of his mind. </p><p>"If I remember from, one of my favorite movies is 300, and I did some research, and I remember the Spartans would fight, like, naked, to like, intimidate their enemies. I like what you're getting at, Henry." This was a tested historical fighting technique. Getting naked wasn't cheating at all, not on the battlefield or in a Marriage. It was an entirely reasonable thing to do.</p><p>"So maybe, are you saying we should get nude before we do—?" Henry's voice broke a bit as his sentence petered out. Darryl was already undressing. And therefore was adimity ignoring Henry. He turned to Ron, who was still standing awkwardly by the stairs.</p><p>"Let's do this. Come on, Ron, show us what you got." the short man started carefully unbuttoning his shirt. </p><p>"mean I guess if we're fighting naked, we're fighting naked." Glenn gave a shrug, a motion his lanky frame seemed built for. "That's how the buddy system works." he slipped off his converse, hands undoing the buttons on his ripped jeans. Darryl looked back at Henry, his scarlet face glancing, watching the other men in disbelief. </p><p>"Do you wanna save your sons, Henry?!" Henry's eyes locked back onto Darryl, and then in one single terrifying second down to the bundle of clothing held in front of his crotch. </p><p>"Ahhh! Uh, if everyone's naked but me then I'm the naked one, and that's weird cause like—it's just, I'm a conformist; I'm gonna go along with it." and with that, he pulled the bottom of his shirt up over his head. Darryl had been expecting thin. Before, he would have described Henry with words like: wiry or lanky, but he hadn't considered toned, never once thought lean. He was thinking about it now. He was thinking about pale freckles scattered over fit shoulders and a car logo tattoo resting above a tight ass. And when Henry turned back to the group, His mind went racing with a blush that started in the chest and deepened as it climbed towards his face. Darryl could not stop his mind from going Wild at the fine blond curls running down the faint definition of abbs. Henry's eyes were vivid against the red of his face. And when they locked with Darryl's, he felt a rush of electricity run through him. He realized he was staring; he didn't know how long. Any long was too long. He looked away; he needed to speak, say something to convince everyone he was still fine with this. </p><p>"We're all naked, c'mon." it wasn't exactly his best line.</p><p>"Okay, all right, all right." Darryl glanced back to see Ron's legs still wrapped in denim, and after a moment of confusion, he noticed a pile of jeans next to Ron</p><p>"Come on, Ron, let's do this."</p><p>"All right. "Darryl remembered to look away as the small man unbuttoned them. After a moment, he looked back to see a sturdy pair of boxer briefs. </p><p><br/>"Alright let's do this!" This was it. Darryl dropped the t-shirt from his crotch and adjusted both hands on the gulf club. He did not watch Henry's eyes lock on to his dick. He didn't feel electric shame run from his throat to his stomach. And when Henry dropped his own fabric, Darryl did not follow the trail of gold curls down to its inevitable conclusion. Their eyes met, and Darryl felt as if he should say something, an explanation, an apology, a request. He opened his mouth, unsure what he was in the process of saying. When familiar voices sounded from behind him. </p><p><br/>"Nooooo! Daaaaaad!"</p>
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